One year on – what I've learnt

That was a quick year.

It will be one year ago tomorrow since my husband told me he was leaving.

Was that the end of something? Or the beginning?

It felt like the end, to begin with.

There was the initial shock of course, but then the realisation that I wasn’t really surprised. It had been 50:50 whether he left me or I left him for a while. Bit by bit, the implications hit me. Hit us, to be fair.  What about the business, what about the house, what about the granddaughter that I love to bits like she was my own. What about the cats.

We worked our way through things. Oddly, we were able to work together on splitting up. We went round the house deciding what he would take and what he would leave, and we disagreed about surprisingly little.

I worked out how to cut back on my expenditure, how to earn more money. Things that I thought mattered had to stop mattering. Other things  had to matter more. Priorities had to change.

And I’m just about through all of the firsts – our wedding anniversary, his birthday, my birthday, Christmas, New Year. I just have to get through the anniversary of him actually leaving (that’s 20th February), and that’ll be that. Onwards and upwards.

I wish I could go back to the woman who was in tears on the sofa on 8th January last year and tell her that things will work out OK. I wish I could go back to the woman who didn’t sleep that night and tell her that things will work out OK.

Now, a year on, it feels more like a beginning.

I’ve learnt that I can do this. I’ve learnt that I can take control and get things sorted and that I can do it on my own. I’ve learnt that I’m stronger than I thought – but I’ve also learnt to ask for help. That was perhaps the hardest lesson of all.

I married my first husband when I was 19. I was with him for 19 years. I was with my second husband for 19 years. And the next 19 years? They’re for me.

It’s the next 18 years now.

I’m looking forward much more than I’m looking back. So tomorrow, I will raise a glass – to what is, what was, and what is still to be. Mostly to what is still to be.

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. gosforthgirl says:

    So succinctly writtten as always.

    Yet you write for all of us who have exoerienced a divorce or end of a long relationship.

    I particularly liked the part when you said ….’ the next 18 years are for me’

    I am that woman twenty years on who didn’t celebrate the Millenium as other couples do .

    I have had a bumpy ride, made loads of mistakes but survived.

    I wish you a fun and enriching 18 years with fewer mistakes than I made!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment. We can so do this!!

    Like

  3. Inkplume says:

    It’s strange and at the same time wonderful how endings become beginnings, is’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is!! It reminds me of Paul Simon – ‘One Man’s Ceiling is another Man’s Floor’.

      Like

  4. LittleDreams says:

    Well done, not only for coming through it but for being so open and honest about it. Your journey has been quite inspirational to me over the last few months- I haven’t had a relationship ending but I’ve had other major life upheavals recently and I’ve found much comfort in your posts. More power to your elbow and may your new beginning be the beginning of summat wonderful! Xxx

    Like

    1. Thank you so much. I’ve found that discovering that I’m not alone is one of the most powerful things!! And writing this blog is very cathartic – cheaper than therapy…

      Like

  5. sheila says:

    Not just a survivor, but a thriver! Such a positive message for those starting on this frightening journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It hasn’t been the easiest of years – but I’m content, which counts for a lot. xx

      Like

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