Yesterday I celebrated eight months since my husband told me he was leaving.
Whoa there. Celebrate?? WTF?? I didn’t think that would ever be a sentence I would say.
But now – well, somehow ‘celebrate’ feels like the right word. It wasn’t a champagne and party popper sort of celebration – just a quiet acknowledgement that I’ve survived so far and that I’m happy with the way things are. Not just resigned to it, but actually happy with it.
It turns out that I’m OK – but back in January I didn’t know that I would be. I would like to go back to the woman I was on 8th January 2019 and tell her that things will work out.
Look at what we’ve achieved so far –
- All that money saving, ringing round all the utility companies, explaining the situation and asking/negotiating/demanding/pleading that they reduce my monthly payments.
- Taking my weekly food shopping by the scruff of the neck and shaking it – reducing what had been at least £50 a week for two down to an average of £18 a week for one.
- Cutting back on everything – saving water, saving electric, saving gas, saving petrol.
- Selling my old car and replacing it with something older, smaller, and cheaper to run.
- Starting this blog!! It’s cheaper than therapy!
- Finding a job – I wrote off for loads of jobs, and didn’t get loads of interviews. I realised I needed help. A colleague at East Riddlesden Hall offered to review my CV – and I got the very next job I applied for!! And the next one!!
- Giving up my volunteer role at ERH that I loved because I needed to work for money.
- Going out On My Own. I’ve been to the cinema, the theatre, and day trips to places I’ve always wanted to go but never quite managed. I will be going on holiday next year.
- Making the decision to look for a lodger – learning what being a landlord involved, weighing up the risks and benefits, and making my own decision about it.
- Learning to ask for help. I’ve always been very independent. My first words were ‘Me do it’. But I’ve realised that when you do ask for help people are just lovely. I’ve found support in quarters where I never expected it – including from the lovely people who read and comment on this blog! Thanks so much – you’ll never know how much you’ve helped.
- Learning not to ask for help. I think in any couple there’s a division of labour – and my husband tended to deal with all things related to cars and tech and flat-pack furniture. These things I’ve had to learn to sort out by myself.
Yes, there are still hurdles to get over – but I feel equal to the challenge. It’s good to be in control of my own destiny.
Here’s to me, and to the future.
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