No Woman is an Island

This blog is my story. I don’t have the right to tell anyone else’s story.

The trouble is, other people’s stories are buffeting me from side to side at the moment.

No woman is an island – although I feel like one, with waves crashing all around me and nothing much I can do about any of it apart from stay where I am and weather the storms.

I’ve booked myself in for a session with a counsellor next week to try to make sense of it all. I’ve been to her before – I started using her about four years ago, to try to get some insight into my husband’s depression and how I could help or at least avoid making it worse. And we ended up dealing with lots of other issues that needed to be dealt with.

I find it really helpful – it allows you to get things off your chest without causing offence or anxiety to your nearest and dearest. In fact, I think everyone should have a session or two with a trained counsellor every year or so. A mental health check-up in the same way that you might have a physical health check-up.

This session will be via Zoom, rather than in person. But it will still be good to talk.

So – I know she can’t solve my problems, but she can ask the right questions and that’s a step in the right direction.

And I’m at the gym tomorrow morning, so that’ll help. Some good hard physical effort, pushing myself, always helps. Again, it doesn’t solve the problems, but it helps me be able to cope with them.

There’s nothing I can ‘do’ about any of the things that are causing me grief. They will happen, or not, in their own good time. But my head is full of ‘what ifs’ until I think it might burst. I had a headache yesterday – I really hardly ever get headaches.

I’m not so much keeping all the plates spinning as knowing that they’ll all fall eventually and wondering which will drop first. And as always, the lack of control is the hardest part.

If I could do something to fix the problems I would just do it – but I can’t.

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Photo by Sean Manning from Pexels

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Sheila says:

    Sorry you are feeling like this. I had counselling when my ex left, but took a while to find the right one.
    It helped at that time. I went back occasionally for “top ups”, when thoughts crowded my mind. She gave me the “tools “ to use when I started stressing again.
    Conservation volunteering is my physical outlet, sawing, digging, and lopping. Yoga and Tai chi are my soothing hobbies. Both distract me from stress and worries, for some time, at least.
    I hope your counselling is helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m seeing the counselling as prevention rather than cure – I can feel things starting to just get on top of me a bit, so better to deal with it now than wait until I’m really struggling.
      I used to volunteer for the National Trust – but I had to give it up when himself left and I had to get a ‘proper’ job. The House is closed now due to Covid anyway!! It wasn’t physical work – I was a costumed guide, showing people round and telling them about the history of the place – but it was enjoyable and interesting and I miss it.

      Like

      1. janeyjump says:

        Hope the counselling helps. It’s all so hard and unnatural at the moment

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Rachy T says:

    Good for you spotting that you need some help. I agree that most people would find a couple of sessions a year useful instead of chewing over things for too long 😏 I hope all goes well for you x

    Like

  3. SisterStay says:

    I feel for you. These are very tough times. Even the strongest person will crack under relentless pressure. But what-ifs are the worst kind of question because you can’t go back and do things differently. You can only go forward. I hope your counsellor asks you all the right questions to ask yourself. And when she does, ask us too. You are not alone. And this blog is a great outlet. x

    Like

    1. Thank you so much. And why does the head have to be full of what-ifs in the middle of the night?? xx

      Liked by 1 person

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