I took my car to the garage the other day, and the guy asked if I was seeing anyone. It’s a garage I go to often enough, and the guy who runs it knows that my husband left a while ago. I know this man, his girlfriend goes to the same gym as me, he lives just up the road. It wasn’t a come on. It was a genuine question.
And the answer is a resounding no.
I’ve thought about it, of course (in a very hypothetical, ‘what if’ kind of a way, thanks to Covid). I know a couple of people who have successful relationships through online dating, that’s always an option.
But – still no.
I’ve been married twice. Been there, seen it, done it. I genuinely can’t imagine wanting to link my life up with someone else’s again.
And let’s be realistic here. I’m 60. That means the guys I’m likely to date would be there or thereabouts. And frankly – nah.
What I miss, though, is having someone to go and do stuff with – but even then, I’m happy to go to the cinema, the theatre, even have a meal out on my own. I’ve flown, stayed in a hotel, driven long distances, solo. Really doesn’t bother me. In fact, under current circumstances, it would be nice to have the chance.
But for reasons that I can’t quite work out, I would feel odd going to a pub on my own. Even then, I’m happy to go into a pub on my own if I’m meeting someone. And if I’m staying in a hotel, I’ll go and have a drink in the bar without a second thought. But to just go to the pub for a drink on my own? That isn’t something I would feel comfortable doing.
It would be nice to have someone to just call and say, ‘Fancy a drink?’
But romantic involvement? One minute you’re looking at the stars together, the next you’re washing his socks.
I’ve always been quite independent. By its very nature, being with someone involves compromise. Sometimes the compromises are quite small and don’t really matter all that much. But sometimes they’re huge and matter a great deal.
It’s one of the things I noticed very early on, when I was newly single – I don’t have to compromise any more. I don’t have to discuss. I don’t have to convince someone else to do the thing that I really want to do. I can just do. I find it very liberating.
And these last couple of years, having to just get on with it – well, I’ve done OK. And I’ve learnt that my independence is important to me – no-one is ever going to be allowed to take that from me.
But if there’s anyone out there that just fancies a drink – let me know…
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